Passion

Greetings everyone!!! It’s been months since I opened this blog and it feel sooo nice to come back after a long break. I’ve been busy working on my final paper these months and it felt like hell. The seventh level of hell. But that was the yesterday and yesterday is just the past. I finally pass the final examination, I finally finish revising that final paper, and I think it is the time for me to throw away those books, handouts, copy papers, and all final paper-related. I’m sure I don’t want to see them for a quite long time. Freedom is finally mine!!! yay!! :D
So let me say goodbye to these photos, the ones I’ve taken in the middle of my “hell” time:

Lemme introduce you to Mr. Yudha,

the one who already helped me and my friends to do the statistic.

Muchas Gracias!

Just like I said before, sure there is happiness and proud and maybe also relieve in the time we wear our graduation gown. But that left us with one big question ahead us, where do we go from here. Where do I go from here? At first, it really drives me crazy, knowing that I don’t exactly know where to go and what to do next. Well, there is a “safe” road, you apply to some random jobs, you accepted, you do an office job as your own daily routine. But I realize that’s not what I really want. I want something more, something bigger, and something more free than just sitting behind the desk and do some repeat tasks everyday. And I know, in order to have that something more, first I have to have a dream, a vision, a mission – something I want to accomplish, something to reach. In conclusion, I have to have a purpose. Sadly, at first..I have none of them.
But days ago changed my life today. And I believe if I take that seriously, it will do change my whole entire life. It just crossed my mind that easy, gave me inspirations, gave me vision, mission, and the most importantly, gave me the answer of my “where do I go from here” question. I have a purpose now, and that is the one who going to drives my life. I know I will face a lot of things in front of me, mostly it is not easy. But I will keep fighting, I will dare to my dreams, and nothing or no one can stand in my way, except of course God in heaven above. hahahahaha.
I feel and I found my passion inside of me. Well, I guess that’s the most important thing in life: to have passion and reach your dreams and be completely happy. :D

Happy Sunday all!! I hope you do live your everyday life like if it’s your last days on earth. Make the best of your life!! Just forget your past, don’t feel attach to it, and moving on. I will quote Nickelback’s If Today Was Your Last Day lyric, I really do hope you inspired by it, just like me :)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

Yes dear, because you can't rewind a moment in this life :)

The Alchemist

Weeks ago, when I was at Gunung Agung Bookstore Galaxy Mall, I saw a book that catch my attention. Well, the title of the book caught my attention. It is Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. And since it’s an english edition, then the book must be out of the rational price. So I turned to search Paulo Coelho’s other books and I found this book. The Alchemist. I don’t know what exactly the alchemist is, but the translation in the book says that the alchemist is “ahli kimia”. But after I read until the end of the book, I still don’t know what is the relation.

The Alchemist is a story about a kid name Santiago and he is from Spain. He had this one exact dream twice, told him to go to the pyramid in Egypt to find his treasure. In the middle of his journey to find the treasure, he met the alchemist. And the alchemist and also the people he meet during his journey taught him a lot of things he need, to help him find the treasure. Even I don’t completely understand about the whole story (There are some words I never heard before like “Jiwa Buana”? I mean, what is it???), there are great quotations along with the story. And I’m going to quote it for you (Oh, and since I am not a great translator, I’m going to quote it just the way it is.hehe):


“Bila seseorang bertemu dengan orang yang sama setiap hari, seperti yang terjadi padanya di seminari, mereka berubah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan orang tadi. Kemudian mereka ingin oran itu berubah. Jika seseorang tidak seperti yang dikehendaki, yang lainnya marah. Setiap orang rupa-rupanya punya ide yang jelas tentang bagaimana orang lain seharusnya menjalani hidup mereka, tapi tak satu pun mengenai kehidupannya sendiri.”

“Peramal itu adalah ahli membaca ranting; dia melemparkan ranting-ranting ke tanah, dan menafsirnya berdasar cara jatuhnya. “Aku ini hidup dari meramal masa depan orang,” katanya. “ Aku tahu ilmu ranting, dan aku tahu bagaimana menggunakannya untuk menembus tempat dimana semua sudah tertulis. Di sana, aku dapat membaca masa lalu, mengungkap apa yang telah dilupakan, dan memahami pertanda-pertanda yang ada disini saat ini. Ketika orang-orang meminta nasihatku, aku bukannya membaca masa depan; aku menebak masa depan. Masa depan itu milik Tuhan, dan hanya Dia yang dapat mengungkapkannya, dalam kondisi yang luar biasa. Bagaimana caraku menebak masa depan? Berdasarkan pertanda-pertanda masa kini, Rahasiannya terletak di masa kini, Kalau kamu memperhatikan masa kini, kamu dapat memperbaikinya. Dan bila kamu memperbaiki masa kini, apa yang akan datang kemudian juga akan menjadi lebih baik. Lupakanlah amsa depan, dan jalanilah setiap hari menururt ajaran, percayalah bahwa Tuhan mencintai hamba-hambaNya. Tiap-tiap hari, pada dirinya, membawakan suatu keabadian.” ”

“Benda-benda apa ini?” tanya warga suku itu,
“Itu Batu Filsuf dan Obat Hidup. Itu adalah Karya Agung para alkemis. Siapa saja yang menelan obat itu tak akan pernah sakit lagi, dan sepotng pecahan dari batu itu bias mengubah segala macam logam menjadi emas.”
Orang-orang Arab itu menertawai dia, dan sang alkemis pun ikut tertawa. Mereka menganggap jawaban itu lucu.
“Apa engkau sudah gila? Buat apa berbuat begitu?” tanya si bocah pada sang alkemis
“Untuk menunjukkan padamu satu pelajaran sederhana dalam hidup,” jawab sang alkemis. “ Bila kau memiliki harta yang sangat bernilai di dalam dirimu, dan mencoba untuk memberitahu orang lain tentang hal itu, jarang ada yang percaya.”

And this is the best part; this is not a quotation, it is the prolog:
Alkemis itu mengambil buku yang dibawa seseorang dalam karavan. Membukabuka halamannya, dia menemukan sebuah kisah tentang Narcissus.
Alkemis itu sudah tahu legenda Narcissus, seorang muda yang setiap hari berlutu di dekat sebuha dananu untuk mengagumi keindahannya sendiri. Ia begitu terpesona oleh dirinya hingg, suatu pagi, ia jatuh ke dalam danau itu dan tenggelam. Di titik tempat jatuhnya itu, tumbuh sekuntum bunga yang dinamakan Narcissus.
Tapi bukan dengan itu pengarang mengakhiri ceritanya.
Dia menyatakan bahwa ketika Narcissus mati, dewi-dewi hutan muncul dan mendapati danau tadi, yang semula berupa air segar telah berubah menjadi danau air mata yang asin.
“Mengapa engkau menangis?” tanya dewi-dewi itu,.
“Aku menangisi Narcissus,” jawab danau.
“Oh, tak heranlah jika kau menangisi Narcissus,” kata mereka, “sebab walalu kami selalu mencari dia di hutan, hanya kau saja yang dapat mengagumi keindahannya dar dekat.”
“Tapi…indahkah Narcissus?” tanya danau.
“Siapa yang lebih mengetahuinya dari engkau?” dewi-dewi bertanya heran. “ Didekatmulah ia tiap hari berlutut mengagumi dirinya!:
Danau terdiam beberapa saat. Akhirnya ia berkata:
“Aku menangisi Narcissus, tapi tak pernah kuperhatikan bahwa Narcissus itu indah. Aku menangis karena, setiap ia berlutut di dekat tepianku, aku bias melihat, di kedalaman matanya, pantulan keindahanku sendiri.”
“Kisah yang sungguh memikat,” piker sang alkemis.

Become a Christian

Everybody knows that this life is an upside down process. Sometimes we are at above, but at some other times we are at the very below. And I think that is the nature of life. Or to be exact, that is life. C’est la vie. When the life is changing over time, I am changing over time too. And of course, I hope I change to be someone better, time to time. But at this very moment, I just realize one thing about one thing that actually-for all these times- shaping me. Without trying to be a fanatic and a bible talker, the thing that actually changes me is the bible and how I build my relationship with God.

I just realize and I admit that in 22 years of my life, I become a “good person” only in the time I build an intimate relationship with God. It means that I read the bible everyday like it is my daily bread, communicate with Him through prayers, and the important thing: do what He says through His bible. And usually when I do that, I am shaped into someone I never knew before. It is like the new me was born. It influence how I act, how I say, how I think, and the most important part is it do influence my attitude toward something. It helps me to accept the things I can not change and encourage me to do something I never thought I can do.

In the time I stay close to my Lord, the river of life is really flowing on me.

In the other hand, I realize that I become someone “bad” in the time I keep a distance with Him. Many reasons make me distracted, make my relationship with God is my last priority. And usually, I become a stubborn person, and I hold on to something too tight which make myself suffer and feel in pain. I can’t let go my past, I can’t let go all the things I know I can’t have, I can’t accept facts I fear I can’t accept.

It feels like I am alone in my own battle of life

I can pronounce myself to be a Christian.
But it won’t give any differences or any meaning if I don’t relate to Him who becomes the essence of the Christianity itself.

Happy Easter everyone of you who celebrate!!! May God be with you always. :)

In The Mood

Long time no open this blog, and I am kind of miss this little space of mine, where I usually put my thoughts and use it as a trash can or something. Hahaha. I’ve been busy, some people didn’t believe I’ve been busy because usually, I am not busy at all. Hauhauhuahauhaah. But this last week was a busy week for me. I spent everyday did something to another thing, go home late at night, wake up on the next day with another activity to do. I had to meet my lecture (die skripsi die!!), submitted revision, had meeting with reunion crew, attended a friend’s party, anddd of course watched movies which by the way, Dragon Ball The Movie or whatsoever the exact title is – is suck. Suck, suck, and suck. It is absolutely perfectly suck.

I also spent two days from my last week for photography hunting. This is a whole new experience for me and I am kind of loving it. The best part of this photography hunting was the place I and my friends spotted, Kenjeran Beach. I have to wake up 3 o’clock in the subuh and it was still dark outside. I never did something crazy like wake up 3 o’clock just to see the sunrise so I asked myself once, what exactly am I doing here and now? Hahahaha.
But it is worth though. The sun is beautiful, the scenery is over-expectation, and my friends captured that all perfectly. Or at least I can say, molto perfecto. Too perfect. And once again, nothing or no one can compare the creation of God.

My photo hunting experiences with my new friends also lead me to another thought. That all this time, I rarely spent my time with friends outside my friends, maybe I was too scared to jump out the safe-zone circle. But that time, it did change my mind. That I can be somewhere with new friends, make that new friends my friends, and I don’t have to feel scare at all. They fun, they nice, they funny, and they are great people with great talent of photography. And surprisingly, I love spend some time with them (David, if you read this, feel free to smile and feel happy. hyahahahahahha).

Anyway, April is coming soon and it is the time I have to finish my research paper or usually and sadly we call it skripsi. I supposedly feel panic now because the deadline is in front of my very face, but strange --- I don’t feel anything. And that's because I am still in the photography hunting mood.

Chiavanesca

Greetings,

I would like to introduce my new blog Chiavanesca (kia-va-nes-ka) at http://www.chiavanesca.blogspot.com/

Chiavanesca is a name of an Italian wine called Nebbiolo and locally in Valtellina, Italy they call it Chiavanesca. I heard the word Chiavanesca for the first time was from Dirty Sexy Money TV Series where Tripp Darling sends Nick to the summer place in Italy to meet a spy detective. To meet this detective, Tripp told Nick to order the Chiavanesca, slightly chilled.
Then, I suddenly love the word and the way I say it.

I choose this word Chiavanesca for one another reason. Just as the characteristics of the wine, life -for me- is a complex process which everyone of us have to live in everyday. But the more we walk in this life, the more we will get mature by learn through it. And just like the art of wining, so do the art of living: even after a lifetime of learning, there are still thousands of new things to know.At least we know that there is always something new to enjoy.

This is the place where I am going to put my slightly thoughts that cross up my mind wherever or whenever I am. Maybe the thoughts I might have when I was in the kitchen, my bedroom, car, or even just staring at something. You never know!

Well, I guess I just need to share something for someone. hehehehe. Or maybe anyone!!

XOXO

Where Do We Go From Here?

Saturday, February 28th, 2009

Fenny and Reagan were graduated. The big day was came, a lot of happiness and congratulations all over the space. Some of them are proud, some of them are feeling glad and some of them choose to celebrate it with flowers even ballons.
Years we spent in university ends here, no more study, no more tests, no more assignments, no more pain in the ass. But it left one significanly important question in our life: where do we go from here?
The more we live, the more we have to choose and the more choices it will be. And after we are out from university, the door to the future is widely-widely open.
Which one do you choose? Where do we go from here?

X.O.X.O

A Night of Reunion

left-right: edo, fenny, dewi, susan, david, yuliana, ailen, novi, reagan

Friday, February 20, 2009..

It is always good to see friends you haven't see for so long. There is so much laughter, jokes, warmth, and happiness. Things that we had in high school will never be erased. It will alwyas be there everytime we're together, ready to be told, ready to be laughed, ready to be memorized one more time. I had a good time with them, so no other same things can compare.

Because no matter what happen, friends will always be friends....till the end.

x.o.x.o

Rolex vs Casio

Good sunday everyone!!! This is me again, blogging after a while.

My weekend yesterday consist of two parts. First part, I spent my weekend with Lili, Eunike, and her fiance (yes fiance) at PTC. The second part is, I spent my "after-weekend" at Sutos with Lili, her brother, and her entire cousins related family. To be honest, this last weekend is become my 'off-limit weekend'. I spent my time at PTC until 10 and after that I joined the family until 01.30. In the morning. Yeah.. that's really-really my off limit weekend. :D

For me, there is a difference between when you spend your time hangin' out with your friends and when you spend your time with an older person or people. With friends, most of the time you will have fun and companion. But on the other side - with older people, you are more will get some advice and experiences about life or about the problems we have in life. Like I got yesterday, I spent my day with Eunike and her fiance. As a man above my age, Eunike's fiance draw me a picture about the way most of men think. Well, as you know that man and women are the opposite of each other and sometimes we get stuck in it. They gave me a lot of suggestions, stories, and support and I really appreciate that.

At Sutos, once again I spent my time with some older people. Lili's counsins are married and they told me a looott of things about everything, but especially about a relationship between a man and a women. I conclude most of them here:

1. In the time you have a relationship with a guy, you have to make sure that you are happy. If you already crying out loud because of him or for him, you better leave him behind. "Pacaran" is the time when you are loved and wanted by him not the opposite.
2. The maximum age for a women to get married is 28. More than that is a red sign warning. But the perfect number is 24.
3. If a guy leave you without some assurance, you better ask him straight the face. If he still don't give you a certainty, you better leave him - right away.
4. There are differences between when you still in relationship and when you already married. The example they gave me is this: if you fall because of something, maybe your boyfriend will say "be careful dear". But if you already married and you still fall anyway, maybe he will say "watch your eyes!!". hahahaha. So yea, lucky you, if you're not experience that.
5. The last thing is probably the best encouragement suggestion: sebelum janur kuning melengkung, berarti masih ada kesempatan. hahahahaha..:D

After all, I've got this beautiful quote from the book Eunike bought yesterday, more or less has a meaning like this:

What you willing to let go will decide what God can give you in return

Apa yang bersedia kamu lepaskan akan menentukan apa yang Tuhan akan berikan kepadamu

The book said that the good is the enemy of the better. The better is the enemy of the best. So if you hold on to what you have right now even if you know it's not suit you, it mean that you are blocking God's way to give you the better, or even the best one.

Like one of my friend said, if you can have a Rolex quality to be in your partner for life, why you have to satisfy with Casio? :)

Guilty

I feel guilty. I feel sorry. I feel terrible for everything about this one problem. I have this "good friend" and we met at the hospital when I was working on my internship. I have a good impression on him, he is a very patient man and from some observations and testimonials, I can almost sure that he is really nice. And for me personally, he represents a high quality of man if you are looking for a high quality husband.

On the other side, one thing I barely stand is curiousity. And this "good friend" of mine gave me that for weeks. Well I can't tell everything here since it's online and it means everyone can read everyone will know (hahahahahaha). I have to admit too that the most negatif side in me is that I am a negative thinker. I don't know why, but everytime I know lessabout something, all I can think is negatif negatif negatif. And I know it's killing me, so that is why I need someone to straight it up my mind and the way I think. Thank you to my friends especially Lili, she is the one who helps me the most to straighten' my mind in my darkest moment.

Curiousity + negative thinking = another self-killing factor beside cancer and stuffs like that.

So, I've been tortured for weeks, busy guessing the reason behind my "good friend" unstable act. I was too afraid too ask because I was afraid of the answer. And along with that, I've been tortured by my negative mindset. It's killing me.It's killing me. It's killing me.

Short story, I did finally asked him questions related to what's killing me softly and I was shocked. I felt much guilty and most of all I felt sorry for him. I accused him not right in many terms and meanings without even try to think that maybe he has a reason for his unstable act. And yes he has a reason which make me feel bad until this very moment. He was in a relationship for five years with someone and he said he loved this someone so much. He spent a lot of time with her, never stayed for long at home just to be with her all the time. At one time, the girl left the town to Jakarta and they had a long distance relationship. One year later, the girl called just to break the relationship without any reason and start to ignore him. She even said that she is going to get married.

Right after I heard the story, I can't say anything even to myself. Suddenly I didn't want to be there where I talked to him. Slowly but sure, I finally can see everything more clearer. Maybe he have a trauma or something, I don't know. But sure it hurted him so much. And the most of all, I feel so ashamed to myself. I talked once about the quote in Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird book, about you can't completely understand someone until you see everything from their point of view, until you slip into their skin and walk the life with their own way. As you can see, I failed to do that. I failed to considering his reason behind everything and I just judged him with my own version. Even the judgement is only in my mind, it's enough to make me ruined myself.

Beside, I don't understand why the women did that to him. With no explanation and with cold hearted, she just dumped him right away. He is a good man - a really good man, and for me, he didn't deserve that. He still don't deserve it at all.

All in all, I finally can see beyond the eyes. To looking for a person to spend your life with, it doesn't always require her/his physical stuff. At the end, what matter the most is his/her heart - how beautiful is he/she inside, not outside.

p.s: I like quotes in the book, it's really inspiring. And the story of the book itself, it's beautiful.

Hepi Niu Yerrr 2009

Hepi New Yearrrr...Hepi New Yearrrr............!!!! Happy New Year 2009 to you all. We might don't know what is going to happen in this 2009 year, but first we must feel thankful for everything we had in 2008. And I do hope that we will get a better life and will become a better person. :)

It's been a long time since I wrote my last post. And that's because I have a lot of things happened. On December 27th, like I said in the earlier post, I became a bridemaid for Reagan's sister wedding. And if you remember my first impression about become a bridemaid was: excited and can not wait any longer.

So this is my post-impression and comment about became a bridemaid: almost exhausted.

Well, it's not because I wasn't enjoy myself become a bridemaid ; I still love the dress and the hair do, it is just never pass in my mind that if you become a bridemaid, the tiredness, the sleppyness, and the exhausted part is equal to the bride. So if I can take a conclusion here, being a bridemaid = become the bride herself! I slept at 23.30 and have to wake up at 03.00 in the next morning. Next I have to wait approx. 5 1/2 hours only for the make up, and not stop until the wedding reception. I even almost fell asleep at the church!! Geezz..

This is why, I don't like become a party host, especially this kind of party. Wedding I mean.

All I can think about this non-stop one day ritual of wedding is why the bride which supposely have to enjoy herself in the middle of her party, have to torture herself by wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning only fot the make up and hair do and hardly to enjoy herself in her own party at night??

Some said to me that moment like wedding is just come up once in a lifetime. But still, for me it is like torturing myself - once in a lifetime. Can it be simplified or something?

I don't need a big party which you can invite maybe a thousand people there ~ like I will recognize those thousand people. I am dreaming of a simple but nice wedding, which I truly recognize the people I invite (ok, which me and my husband to-be are going to invite). I will pick and wear a simple but nice wedding gown, simple but nice wedding hair do and make up (eww.. I hate make up) , simple and nice wedding party celebration. The conclusion is: I want to enjoy my own wedding moment!! I want to laugh and smile to the people I really know - the people I love, I want to share my special moment - my once in a lifetime moment - with them.

Well, that's my perfect wedding imagination if you ask me. hahahahhaa.

Anyway, have good days and I reaaallly hope this year will be better in everything for us. :D

HAPPY NEEEEWWW YEAAAARRR ALL!!!!!!